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How to make people like you instantly:”

 I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office. I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job- weighing envelopes, handing out the stamps, making change, issuing receipts- the same monotonous grind  year after year. So I said to myself : “ I am going to try to to make that clerk like me. Obviously , to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him.” So I asked myself, “What is there about him that I can honestly admire?” So I asked myself “What is, there about him that I can honestly admire?”

“What is there about him that I can honestly admire?” That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strander’ but, in this case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw something I admired no end. So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked

With enthusiasm: “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.”

He looked up, half-starlled,his face beaming with smiles. “well, it isn’t good as it used to be,” he said modestly. I assured him that although it might have .ost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation .

“ Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.”

"Reading Makes a man Perfect"

From the book of Dale Carnegie

MY Notes

Book:- How to win Friends

Author- Dale Carnegie

Principle 1:

Don’t Criticize ,condemn or complain:

When dealing with people , let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Bitter Criticism cause the sensitive Thomas Hardy, of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literature, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatteron , the English priest, to sucide.

Benjamin Franklin , tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France.

The Secret of his success is “ I will speak of no man…. And speak all the good I know of everybody.”

Any fool can criticize , condemn ,and complain – and most fools do.

But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

“ A great man shows his greatness By the way he treats little men.”

Principle 2-

Give honest and sincere appreciation :

There is only way to get any body to do any thing. And that is my making the other person want to do it.

You can make someone want ot give his purse by sticking a revolver in his chest.

Jon Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a but differently. Dr. Dewey said that deepest urge in human nature is “ the desire to be important.”

The human being wants the following:

1. Health and preservation of life.

2. Food

3. Sleep

4. Money and the things money will buy.

5. Life

6. Sexual gratification.

7. The well being of children

8. A feeling of importance.

Almost all of these wants are usually gratified except one ie” the desire to be great.”

History sparkles with amsing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance. Even George Wahington wante to be called “his Mightiness, the President of the United States”’ and Columbus pleaded for the title “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India.” Catherine The Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to “ Her Imperial Majesty” ; and Mrs. Lincoln, in the White House , turned upon Mrs, Grant like a tigress and shouted , “ How dare you be seated in my presence until I invite you !”

People sometimes become invalids(forced to retire, ill, somebad activity)in order to win sumpathy and attention, and get a feeling importance for example take Mrs. Mc Kinley, She got feeling of umpotance by forcing her husband, the Prsdident of the United States, to neglect important affairs of state while he reclined ton the bed beside her for hours at a time, his arm about her , soothing her to sleep. She fed her gnawing desire for attention by insisting that he remain with her while she was having her teeth fixed.

“The who Can do this has the whole world with him . he who can’t walks Lonely Way”

Why talk about what we want? That is childish . asbsured , of course, everyone is interested in what they want.

So the only wayon earth to influence othe people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to ger somebody to do something . if for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, you don’t preach at them and don’t about what you want, but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basket ball team or winning the hundred yard dash.

Every act we have ever performed since the day we were born was performed because we wanted something.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book ‘Influencing Human Behavior said: “ Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire ………and the best piece of advice which can be given to would- be persuades, whether in business, in the home , school, in politics is : “arouse in the other person an eager want, He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way”

Andrew CAregie, the povery – stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only eay to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person what wants. He attended school only for years; yet he learned how to attend people.

Princple -3

Arouse in the other person an eager Want .

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most impottant sound in any language.”

The importance of remebering and using names is not just the right (prerogative ) of kings and corporate executives . it works for all of us. Ken Nottingham, an employee of General Motors in Indiana , usually had lunch at the company cafeteria. He noticed that the woman who worked behind the countr always had a scowl on her face. “she had been making sandwiches for about to hours and I was just another sandwich to her. I told her what I wanted. She weighed out the ham on a little scale, then she gave me one leaf of lettuce, a few potato chips and handed them to me.

“ The next day I went through the same line, Same woman , same scowl. The only difference was I noticed her name tag. I smiled and said ,’hello,Eunice,’ and then told her what I wanted, well she forgot the scale,piled on the ham, gave me three leaves of lettuce and heaped on the potato chips until they fell of the plate.”

We should be aware of the magic containe in a name and realixe that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…. And nobody else. The name sets the individual apart’ it ames him or her unique among all others, the information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.

Principle -4:

“Be a good Listener, Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

One morning years ago, an angry customer stormed into the office of Hulian F. Detmer, founder of the Detmer Woolen Company, which later became the world’s largest distributor of woolens to the tailoring trade.

“ This man owed us a small sum of moiney, “Mr. Detmer explained to me, “The customer denied it, but we knew he was wrong, so our credit department had insisted had insisted that he pay. After getting a number of letters from our credit department, he packed his grip, made a trip to Chicago, and hurried into my office to inform me not only that he was not going to pay that bill, but that he was never going to buy another dollar’s worth of goods from the Detmer Woolen Company.

“ I listened patiently to all he had to say. I was to tempted to interrupt, but I realized that would be bad policy. So I let him talk himself out. When he finally simmered down and got in a receptive mood, I said quietly: ‘ I want to thank you for coming to Chicago to tell me about this, you have done me a great favour, for if our credit department has annoyed you, I may annoy other good customers, and that would be just too bad. Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this than you are to tell it.’

“ That was the last thing in the world he expected me to say. I thing he was a trifle disappointed, because he had come to Chicago to tell me a thing or two, but here I was thanking him instead of him scrapping with him . I assured him we would wipe the charge off the books and forget it, because he was very careful man with only one account to look after, while our clerks had to look after thousands. Therefore, he was lesslikely to be wrong than we were.

“ I told him that I understood exactly how he felt and that , if I were in his shoes , I should undoubtedly feel precisely as he did. Since he wasn’t going to buy from us anymore. I recommednded some other woolen houses.

“ In the past we had usually lunched together when he came to Chicago, so I inveted him to have lunch with me this day, he accepted relunctantly, but when we came back to the office he placed a larger order than ever before. He returned home in a softened mood and, wanting to be just as fair with us as we had been with him, liiket over his bills, found one that had been mislaid, and sent us a check with his apologies.

“later, when his wife presented him with a baby boy, he gave his son the middle name of Detmer, and remained a friend and customer customer of the house until his death twenty two years later.

Years ago, a poor Dutch immigrant boy washed the windows of a bakery shop after ashool to help support his family. His people were so poor that in addition he used to go out in the street with a basket every day and collect stray bits of coal that had fallen in the gutter where the coal wagons had delivered fuel. That boy, Edward bik, never got more than six years of schooling in his life; yet eventually he made himself one of the most successful magazine editors in the history on American journalism. How did he do it?. That is a long story:-

He left school whe he was thirteen and became an office boy for Western Union, but he didn’t for one monment five up the idea of an education. Instead, he started to educate himself. He saved his carfares and went without lunch until he had enough money to buy an encyclopedia of American biography and the he did an unheard of thing. He read the lives of famous people and wrote them asking for additional information about their childhoods. He was a good listener.

He asked famous people to tell him more about theselves. He wrote Heneral James A. Garield, who was then running for President, and asked if it was true that he was once a tow boy on a canal; and Garfield replied.

Corresponding with these men fired him with a vision and ambition that shaped his life and all this, let me rpeat, was made possible solely by the application of the principles we are discussing here.

So if we aspire to be conversationalist be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their want and problems than they are in you and your problems.

Principles:- Be good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Quote

My books

MY Notes

Book:- How to win Friends

Author- Dale Carnegie

Principle 1:

Don’t Criticize ,condemn or complain:

When dealing with people , let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Bitter Criticism cause the sensitive Thomas Hardy, of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literature, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatteron , the English priest, to sucide.

Benjamin Franklin , tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France.

The Secret of his success is “ I will speak of no man…. And speak all the good I know of everybody.”

Any fool can criticize , condemn ,and complain – and most fools do.

But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

“ A great man shows his greatness By the way he treats little men.”

Principle 2-

Give honest and sincere appreciation :

There is only way to get any body to do any thing. And that is my making the other person want to do it.

You can make someone want ot give his purse by sticking a revolver in his chest.

Jon Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a but differently. Dr. Dewey said that deepest urge in human nature is “ the desire to be important.”

The human being wants the following:

1. Health and preservation of life.

2. Food

3. Sleep

4. Money and the things money will buy.

5. Life

6. Sexual gratification.

7. The well being of children

8. A feeling of importance.

Almost all of these wants are usually gratified except one ie” the desire to be great.”

History sparkles with amsing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance. Even George Wahington wante to be called “his Mightiness, the President of the United States”’ and Columbus pleaded for the title “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India.” Catherine The Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to “ Her Imperial Majesty” ; and Mrs. Lincoln, in the White House , turned upon Mrs, Grant like a tigress and shouted , “ How dare you be seated in my presence until I invite you !”

People sometimes become invalids(forced to retire, ill, somebad activity)in order to win sumpathy and attention, and get a feeling importance for example take Mrs. Mc Kinley, She got feeling of umpotance by forcing her husband, the Prsdident of the United States, to neglect important affairs of state while he reclined ton the bed beside her for hours at a time, his arm about her , soothing her to sleep. She fed her gnawing desire for attention by insisting that he remain with her while she was having her teeth fixed.

“The who Can do this has the whole world with him . he who can’t walks Lonely Way”

Why talk about what we want? That is childish . asbsured , of course, everyone is interested in what they want.

So the only wayon earth to influence othe people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to ger somebody to do something . if for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, you don’t preach at them and don’t about what you want, but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basket ball team or winning the hundred yard dash.

Every act we have ever performed since the day we were born was performed because we wanted something.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book ‘Influencing Human Behavior said: “ Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire ………and the best piece of advice which can be given to would- be persuades, whether in business, in the home , school, in politics is : “arouse in the other person an eager want, He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way”

Andrew CAregie, the povery – stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only eay to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person what wants. He attended school only for years; yet he learned how to attend people.

Princple -3

Arouse in the other person an eager Want .

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most impottant sound in any language.”

The importance of remebering and using names is not just the right (prerogative ) of kings and corporate executives . it works for all of us. Ken Nottingham, an employee of General Motors in Indiana , usually had lunch at the company cafeteria. He noticed that the woman who worked behind the countr always had a scowl on her face. “she had been making sandwiches for about to hours and I was just another sandwich to her. I told her what I wanted. She weighed out the ham on a little scale, then she gave me one leaf of lettuce, a few potato chips and handed them to me.

“ The next day I went through the same line, Same woman , same scowl. The only difference was I noticed her name tag. I smiled and said ,’hello,Eunice,’ and then told her what I wanted, well she forgot the scale,piled on the ham, gave me three leaves of lettuce and heaped on the potato chips until they fell of the plate.”

We should be aware of the magic containe in a name and realixe that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…. And nobody else. The name sets the individual apart’ it ames him or her unique among all others, the information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.

Principle -4:

“Be a good Listener, Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

One morning years ago, an angry customer stormed into the office of Hulian F. Detmer, founder of the Detmer Woolen Company, which later became the world’s largest distributor of woolens to the tailoring trade.

“ This man owed us a small sum of moiney, “Mr. Detmer explained to me, “The customer denied it, but we knew he was wrong, so our credit department had insisted had insisted that he pay. After getting a number of letters from our credit department, he packed his grip, made a trip to Chicago, and hurried into my office to inform me not only that he was not going to pay that bill, but that he was never going to buy another dollar’s worth of goods from the Detmer Woolen Company.

“ I listened patiently to all he had to say. I was to tempted to interrupt, but I realized that would be bad policy. So I let him talk himself out. When he finally simmered down and got in a receptive mood, I said quietly: ‘ I want to thank you for coming to Chicago to tell me about this, you have done me a great favour, for if our credit department has annoyed you, I may annoy other good customers, and that would be just too bad. Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this than you are to tell it.’

“ That was the last thing in the world he expected me to say. I thing he was a trifle disappointed, because he had come to Chicago to tell me a thing or two, but here I was thanking him instead of him scrapping with him . I assured him we would wipe the charge off the books and forget it, because he was very careful man with only one account to look after, while our clerks had to look after thousands. Therefore, he was lesslikely to be wrong than we were.

“ I told him that I understood exactly how he felt and that , if I were in his shoes , I should undoubtedly feel precisely as he did. Since he wasn’t going to buy from us anymore. I recommednded some other woolen houses.

“ In the past we had usually lunched together when he came to Chicago, so I inveted him to have lunch with me this day, he accepted relunctantly, but when we came back to the office he placed a larger order than ever before. He returned home in a softened mood and, wanting to be just as fair with us as we had been with him, liiket over his bills, found one that had been mislaid, and sent us a check with his apologies.

“later, when his wife presented him with a baby boy, he gave his son the middle name of Detmer, and remained a friend and customer customer of the house until his death twenty two years later.

Years ago, a poor Dutch immigrant boy washed the windows of a bakery shop after ashool to help support his family. His people were so poor that in addition he used to go out in the street with a basket every day and collect stray bits of coal that had fallen in the gutter where the coal wagons had delivered fuel. That boy, Edward bik, never got more than six years of schooling in his life; yet eventually he made himself one of the most successful magazine editors in the history on American journalism. How did he do it?. That is a long story:-

He left school whe he was thirteen and became an office boy for Western Union, but he didn’t for one monment five up the idea of an education. Instead, he started to educate himself. He saved his carfares and went without lunch until he had enough money to buy an encyclopedia of American biography and the he did an unheard of thing. He read the lives of famous people and wrote them asking for additional information about their childhoods. He was a good listener.

He asked famous people to tell him more about theselves. He wrote Heneral James A. Garield, who was then running for President, and asked if it was true that he was once a tow boy on a canal; and Garfield replied.

Corresponding with these men fired him with a vision and ambition that shaped his life and all this, let me rpeat, was made possible solely by the application of the principles we are discussing here.

So if we aspire to be conversationalist be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their want and problems than they are in you and your problems.

Principles:- Be good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.